The Better Bethany Project

Alright, here goes.

My name is Bethany.  Hello!  I am 28 years old.  I live in Euclid, Ohio, and lead a mediocre life full of extraordinary beauty.  I can not be described in a paragraph (who would want to read my blog if I could?), but I'll try.  I have a college education and a full time job.  I've lived a life where I've been lucky enough that my biggest struggles have been things like being too chubby and having too much to do in my life without enough time to do it.  I've tended towards a disorganized lifestyle, convincing myself that I don't have the capability to be organized.  I tend to keep a step back from people-I like having my distance, a buffer zone of sorts.  I love my friends and family like crazy, but fear they don't know it because of this particular aspect of my personality.

I believe passionately in the idea of moderation.  I think there is something really important about being able to look at situations rationally and formulate an opinion.  Aristotle talked a lot about the Golden Mean and that dude was pretty smart, so there's got to be something to it.   
 
I suppose if you are a random stranger, you are thinking "Why the hell do I care who you are?" and if you know me you are thinking "What is this bullshit thing about?"  Don't worry, I'm getting to my point.

I've wanted to start a blog for a long time.  I'm a writer, or I fancy myself one anyway.  I've wanted to be a brilliant writer of fiction, but have settled for adding bits of humor to the biweekly newsletter I write for my job.  This isn't quite enough to fulfill me.  Part of the reason I am not a successful writer (except for the saturation of people who think they're good writers, and the potential reality that I am a HORRIBLE writer but can't see it) is that I've been too scared that I suck at writing, and everyone would hate it, and think it's trite and mundane and stupid and self indulgent.

What I've decided is-so what?  Perhaps all those things are true.  Perhaps no one cares, and no one will read this.  That's alright with me.  My mission is not to say what I think you want to hear, but simply to share my experience.  The best way we connect with and learn from each other is through our experiences-so why not share them?  And so I am starting this blog.  And even more terrifyingly, I'm sharing it with my family, friends, and other random members of my facebook friends community (Hi family!  Hi friends!  Hi distant acquaintances and people who actively dislike me but continue to be my friend because you secretly hope to learn details you can use to gossip about me!)

And so after making the life altering decision to write a bunch of nonsense into a faceless void (brave, right?) I had another important decision: What the hell do I want to write about?  I've been tempted to start writing a self help blog, a weight loss blog, a "things you can't discuss at a dinner party" blog. But as a fat person who is in counseling and who doesn't think people even have dinner parties anymore, none of these felt true to who I am.  I do have some things to share, (besides my razor sharp wit)  I've learned so much in the last year about the kind of person I want to be, and more importantly, how I can actually become that person.  I've changed my outlook and behavior, and seen how much it's changed my life.  I've learned that some cliches about how we should behave are true, and some are gloriously false.  I've learned a lot.



However, a lot of this stuff ends up sounding  like  preachy, naive garbage.  We all hear these things ALL the time, generally in cute little one line phrases that we post on facebook and then forget

"Happiness is a journey, not a destination" 

"Love is never having to say you're sorry" (this one is crap, by the way.  But I suppose that's a rant for another time..)


And so, I thought, why don't I just write a blog about whatever the hell I want to, and just be me? As a big fan of me, this struck me as a brilliant plan. Sometimes this blog will just be me posting some of my latest writing.  Sometimes it will be about the journey I've been on to become a better person.  Sometimes it will be about how Meatloaf could get away with saying he would do anything for love and then immediately refuting it by saying "but I won't do that."  It'll just be me.  I'm 28 years old, and am on a journey to be the best person I can be.  Not the nicest, or skinniest, or funniest or smartest.  Just the best me.  This blog is a little part of that.

So thank you for reading this, I really do appreciate it.  I hope that sharing my experiences helps me to learn some more about your experiences.  I hope some of you get to know me a little better, or that my experiences in some way can inform yours.  Most importantly, I hope that the boxing match that my fiance is watching is over soon, because I think boxing is one of the most boring sports in the world.

Good night all!