I do apologize that it's been so long. Even though I love to write, I do recognize that there are times in life where it is more important to do than it is to observe and report. Such has been the state of my life over the last few weeks.
In a recent conversation with my ever so wise brother Jarrod, we discussed our shared need to put on a good front for everyone. We aren't quite comfortable with putting our bad things out there, so when things aren't going great, we retreat, hide under a rock, and emerge when things are better.
Apparently I act similarly as a blogger. If my message can't be upbeat and positive, then I just keep that message to myself. So alas, I am back to my positive self, and back to blogging. While I am slightly disappointed in myself for falling into this familiar pattern of hiding from the world, I have learned a lot. What I have realized in this little respite is...nothing horrible has happened over the past few weeks. I still have my job. I still have my health (except for the stupid sinus infection I had.) I'm still madly in love with a super hot dude who cooks, really gets me, and politely pretends he didn't see anything when he comes across my insanely unattractive old lady shaping garments. I have a house, 2 dogs, an enormous family full of people I adore. I have wonderful friends, Phish shows, a new wedding dress! My midsummer melancholy came to an end when I realized that the only thing that had changed was my attitude. I let myself wallow in feeling overwhelmed, tired, incapable of being the person I wanted to be, chained to the person I'd always been. I didn't visit my grandma, the sweetest person in the entire world, because I was too tired. I watched bad tv, focused on all the things about my life that I wanted to be different. "Life shouldn't be this hard!" I lamented.
The thing is, life is hard. For everyone. Almost all of the time. Perhaps less so for some than others, but it's hard, and exhausting, and sometimes sad. It's easy to comfort ourselves by getting angry at the people who we think have it easier than us, which is a trap I admittedly fall into sometimes. But I find I'm a happier, stronger person, when I realize each challenge that life presents us with is an opportunity for growth. Whether that challenge comes from external factors, or, as it so often is, your own head, conquering that challenge helps you to grow, helps you to realize that you can do things you thought you couldn't. I used to think that positive people were positive because they didn't know any better. But a few weeks ago I was reading an interview at the end of one of my all time favorite books (Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann. Read it. It's not as racy as 50 Shades of Grey, but I promise you the writing quality is 500 million times better) and he summed up how I've been feeling lately better than I ever could.
"It's strange, but as I grow older I find myself developing more optimism. I keep inching towards the point where I believe that it's more difficult to have hope than it is to embrace cynicism. In the deep dark end, there's no point unless we have at least a modicum of hope. We trawl our way through the darkness hoping to find a pinpoint of light. But isn't it remarkable that the cynics of this world-the politicians, the corporations, the squinty-eyed critics-seem to think that they have a claim on intelligence? They seem to think that it's cooler, more intellectually engaging, to be miserable, that there's some sort of moral heft in cynicism...I think that real bravery comes with those who are prepared to go through that door and look at the world in all its grime and torment, and still find something of value, no matter how small."
This rang so true to me. Sure, there's a cliche that struggle makes us stronger. This is true. But it doesn't just make us stronger, it makes us better. Choosing to be positive as we grow older, as we see more of the things that are tough to see, as we learn about the heartbreak and struggle inherent in the human experience-this takes an extraordinary amount of strength. Living a happy life comes easier to some than to others, but to those people who don't struggle for happiness like some others, perhaps you are missing out on a little something. Allow me to indulge in a bit of metaphor, if you will. When I've thought of moving to the south, or other places with warm climates, I've found myself responding that I wouldn't like it.
"Why not?!" incredulous Clevelanders have asked me, their faces chapped from the cold, their socks wet, their will to live leaking out the hole in the new pair of boots they just bought.
Well, incredulous Clevelanders, the reason is...I like the changing seasons. I love the day in March where it jumps up to 43 degrees and you see guys walking around in shorts. I love the feeling of the warm breeze thawing me out, the walks through soggy grass, the first time I have to cut my lawn. I can't say for certain, but it seems to me that if you live in a place that doesn't experience winter, you can't understand the sheer joy of those early days of spring. Winter is tough, but having lived in Cleveland the majority of my life...I can handle the cold. And living through that cold helps me to enjoy the warmth even more. Besides, who would want to live in a world without chilly fall days, leggings, cozy sweaters, and three comforters?
Oh, such a fine metaphor, if not a bit cliched.
And so as far as I'm concerned, bring on the winters of our discontent! Because without them, perhaps I wouldn't enjoy the falls, springs, and summers nearly as much.
Alright, I'm going to take off. It's time for my glamour shots with the lovely Hattie. We're not calling it an "engagement shoot" rather a "hey, might not be a bad idea to have a few photos of ourselves that aren't crooked and shot via a camera held backwards by a person that's in the picture" shoot, which frankly seems more rock and roll.
I hope you are all doing fantastically. Life is good. Savor these last morsels of summer, friends.
